Tattle Tale 2010

Wicked Pictures
Directed by

Overview:
Performer Looks: 8
Good variety, nice bodies.
Characters: 6
The acting was much better than the script, fortunately.
Sex Scene Quality: 7.5
A few misses are excusable considering how dead on the rest were.
Cohesiveness: 5
If this movie started midway through, this would be a much higher score.
Variety/Viewer Appeal: 6
Nothing super intriguing about the concept, and the few elements that might become so are never developed.
Couples Appeal: 8
If you’re used to watching Feature porn, you’ll realize it’s hit or miss, and sometimes those misses are by a mile. So you can forgive a lot, I think.
Overall Quality: 7.5
Production values are great but there was plenty to be desired. It wouldn’t have taken much to perfect this one, so it’s disappointing they didn’t.

Final grade: 6.9/10

Sex Scenes: 5
* Scene 1. Jessica Drake, Marcus London
* Scene 2. Dylan Ryder, Rocco Reed
* Scene 3. Monique Alexander, Randy Spears
* Scene 4. Georgia Jones, Kirsten Price
* Scene 5. Jessica Drake, Rocco Reed

Full Review:
One day I’m going to start keeping tally of all the porn scenes that begin with “Honey we’re going to be late.” Of course, this staple marital argument leads to even-later-now love making. That’s how this one kicks off as well. Jessica Drake and boyfriend Marcus London exchange a few feeble and seemingly conflicting comments about a party he really does want to go to (or really doesn’t, not totally clear) and she wants to go. Maybe without him, again it’s kind of hazy. But enough about that, let’s suck some dick!

Drake has been in this business for a long time by industry standards and her knowledge of Feature porn composition is one of the reasons, I suspect, that she has stayed in Wicked’s main rotation for so long. Her performance in the first sex scene is enthusiastic and she seems into it, but she doesn’t bring the thunder. Not yet. It’s only the first scene after all, you should titillate your viewer for the delights yet to come, right. A little enticement? Since it’s Drake, I’m going to assume this was a choice and not just a slow start. The camera work here is sub-par making the scene feel tedious and thereby a bit too long. Drake’s body is as top notch as always, so it’s hard to mind too much.

After taking it on the tongue, Drake and London arrive at the party. The flash storm against the door implies we’re somewhere important with important people. Not important enough to have a real party with good lighting, loud music, and ample attendance. Never mind that, who’s that hunk she’s eyeballin’?

Why, it’s Rocco Reed and he’s obviously staring at Drake and she at him. He tells her “Garble nmnaderbe addelale.” Or something, I don’t know because dude’s mouth hardly moves at all as he talks. He owns Tattle Tale (think Enquirer), and says he’s running a story about her dad. That’s as much as I could take away. So, he gives her a card (a black on white, desktop printer creation with zero effort put into it) that reads “Justin” and “Tattletale” Drake becomes offended and storms off, leaving him and his date Dylan Ryder to figure out ways of entertaining themselves at this lame ass party. Hey, here’s an idea: let’s go have sex in the bathroom! What do you mean, develop our relationship or something first? Ok, make out in the middle of the party for a minute, then go fuck in the bathroom. Bingo.

Ryder is, I believe an underutilized female star. Though it’s hard to tell from this one, because she has little opporunity, she’s a capable Feature actress. She does have the opportunity to show us her oral abilities though, delivering a very nice blow job before leaning over the counter to get slammed. Again the camera work is so dull, it’s almost as if they set the camera atop an oscillating fan and just said “Fuck it. That’ll do.” Ryder’s face is so expressive and her sex talk and noises are on the mark and exciting. She gets dirty without saying anything you wouldn’t ever hear in real sex. Anyone who’s seen much porn realizes the actresses and Nick Manning sometimes get carried away and ruin a sex scene with strange sex talk. Nice cumshot here, in the mouth and an the tits.

After a nice slow scan of Drake lying on her stomach in a skimpy outfit (thank you, camera man) Mrs. Michaels, we discover, is Drake’s name. An off-camera man–maybe a butler, a roommate, noisy intruder–announces Jazelle is here. Jaz (Georgia Jones) is there to demand Mrs. Michaels become involved in her own charity.

At a charity function–thankfully she takes to a podium at one point to distinguish this from just another outdoor get together of people who don’t like each other. Drake speaks to Duncan (Randy Spears) and extorts or receives a donation from him. Hard to follow.

Jaz, protesting a horribly delivered line of Drake’s about people spreading “salacious lies” (if she’s ever used the term another day in her life, it damn sure doesn’t show), reveals that Michaels is a celebrity. Oh. Ok, so now things sort of make sense. Except that she’s always at lame parties. Whatever.

Michaels storms off to the Tattletale office where she engages in a weak tiff with Justin. No sex in this one, but they establish the plot a bit more. Unfortunately, by the time Reed mumbles “Ponzi scheme” I’m fresh out of give a shit.

Monique Alexander, who we learned earlier despises Michaels, has a rendezvous with Duncan. They talk a little about other characters, feign relevance, then it’s time for the sofa! Thank the gods. The scene has too slow of a start but pics up nicely. Once it does, however, it leaves the unfitting slow jam-ish music in the dust. Not a huge deal, but there’s a certain mood the film seems to be going for, and they don’t sustain it. Camera angles again are pretty frustrating here with one glaring exception: a remarkably framed wide shot with a fantastic view of Alexander’s shadow being cast from several angles as she rides reverse cowgirl, with a roaring fire nearby. Nailed it there. Just nailed it. They conquer all the regular positions, then she gets down on her knees and sucks him off until he comes on her cute, natural tits.

The plot picks up finally, but they’ve gone too long before informing the audience of essential character details. It’s a shame, because the next couple of scenes, particularly the party scene, almost completely makes up for the film’s previous iniquities. The acting improves, the script picks up, the story comes to life, and we even get some girl on girl action. Believably-motivated girl on girl action. In a kitchen. Awesome.

Georgia Jones and Kirsten Price (who has popped up in the last party as a minor, yet integral charater) steal away for some TLC and shots of liquor. Price puts on the tipsiness immediately. She seems actually drunk, though; not too slurred, not too sloppy.

Three words for our lesbian scene: steamy, steamy, steamy. The actresses are really into the scene and they move around, making good use of their set. The scene requires and receives better camera work than in previous sex scenes. Though the camera man still tends to lock into two or three spots and revolves through them again and again from the same vantage point, as they change positions, so does our view. A nice change of pace, I thought.

The flick gets a bit mired in conflict toward the conclusion. A little much drama for my taste, and I don’t mean as opposed to comedic, I mean friction and arguments. Not that the scenes don’t fit, it’s just the level of acting it requires can sometimes drag down a porn. Not a knock on the performers here, necessarily, but any actor would require factors that aren’t present in an adult film in order to lock into a believable fight scene. So, don’t force it on performers who were hired primarily for their sexual ability, I say. Why try to get a horse to fly when it runs so well, get my drift?

We culminate with Reed and Drake, together at last. For sex that began with a fierce argument, this sure is soft and sweet at the beginning. The blowjobs Drake gives are those of an expert, but this one reminds me of when I’m turned on and my wife just wants to go to sleep but she knows I won’t quit bugging her, so she takes one for the team. Oh, you know what I’m talking about, both of you do.

Face, tits, vagina, back to face, zoom out, wide shot. Fade to new scene. And repeat.

The scene doesn’t bring much. Drake sounds excited, looks that way too mostly, but her body language and je ne sais pas just indicate disinterest to me. Drake really seems like she was at work instead of having sex.

We end pretty shittily, if I may be frank. This script actually included Drake saying “This is my comeuppance” and subsequently, “This is karma.” Yes, writer, we’ve heard a story before, we can tell when those things are occurring. Thank you.

High Point:
The girl on girl scene was very good. Jones and Price went at each other with a lusty zeal that makes you break a sweat, salivate, get watery eyed, hell, just gets you dripping from all over.

Low Point:
I beat up on the camera work because it was sloppy, but there was plenty of sloppiness. You have an experienced, sexy, popular cast and a pretty solid concept for a movie. It really feels like a haphazard production, though. As if they relied on the actors to bring this thing to life, without offering enough in return to inspire them to do so.

Some of the data for Tattle Tale 2010 was taken from the Internet Adult Film Database.

I don’t wish to belittle marital problems that arise when one may lose the desire for his or her partner, but I do feel particularly irritated at the lack of sexual education in our society when I come across a thread like this.

(I chose a slightly older post, so as to hopefully not alienate anyone who’s perhaps looking up the topic; you don’t want to see your problem being dissected before you can figure it out, right?)

“My husband doesn’t seem sexually attracted to me anymore. We’ve only been married for two years and for the past year and a half he doesn’t seem to have any desire for me. He loves looking at porn and seems to enjoy doing so. He says he always looked at porn and will continue looking at it even if it makes me feel really bad. He says that nothing is wrong but he works away from home and is sometimes gone two months at a time. When he came home this last time he was in for two weeks and we only had sex one time. Is it just me expecting to much or is there a problem?”

One by one, let me point out some of the issues here.

1.  ”doesn’t seem sexually attracted to me anymore”

Never, ever, ever rely on what “seems” to be the state of your lover. ASK! Discuss the mater with them. If you feel there is a problem, then there is. And it’s you’re problem. It could be that yours is a reflection of your relationship’s problem(s), but remember your partner’s problem, at this point, is in your head. Discuss it, discuss it, discuss it. Also, don’t equate “problem” with “bad.” If we didn’t have problems, we’d never improve, because there would be no indication of what we need to improve.

2.  ”He loves looking at porn and seems to enjoy doing so.”

I have known many people in my life and have managed to keep an emotionally open friendship with the majority. This has allowed me to gather feedback on many topics and this is one where I feel almost uniquely qualified: he does enjoy it, as she said. He does not love it. Sure, I love porn like I love fried chicken (or chocolate for most, I’m just keeping it real with you), but I don’t love it like I love intimacy with a partner. It can be easy for a partner to notice their significant other enjoying something without them and to assume that means the SO has chosen that activity over them. Not so. The partner has chosen to do something they enjoy. If comfortable with trying it, it would be wise to ask the S.O. if the partner could join in.If you have concerns about your partner’s activities, I highly recommend asking if you could join in. If they say “no” then you have a right to protest. Or, your partner might just need some alone time.

If porn makes you feel betrayed, tell your partner that you would prefer they choose  a different activity for alone time, and let them know your concerns with porn, but keep an openness to your partner’s interests. You may find common ground you never knew existed. Remember at all times that your feelings of betrayal may be misguided but they absolutely are valid. Your partner should understand how you feel, so you two may reach a compromise, but you should also realize that you are (in this instance) assuming how your partner feels: “loves porn.” Maybe your partner just has a high sex drive and doesn’t want to bother you. I believe that is more frequently the case.

3. “He says he always looked at porn and will continue looking at it even if it makes me feel really bad.”

Did he really? Were those his words? If so, it might be time to seek some actual psychological intervention. My gut feeling here, though, is that he said something to the effect of “Well, I’ve always done it and I’m going to keep doing it. Tough luck if you don’t like it.” I’d wager the conversation was broached with the tone of “Husband, you are doing something wrong.” This is not the woman’s fault, nor is she incorrect. He’s hurting her feelings, and that is wrong. It would be best if the conversation began with the tone of, “I understand it is a normal activity, I’m not used to it, and it makes me feel horrible. Why do you need it?”

Here I’ve ventured into speculation, I realize, but I have trouble believing things went down as the poster felt they did. I hope I’m not being unfair, but I’m going off of experience. It’s so easy to interpret our quarrels based on our emotional reaction to them as opposed to recalling what actually transpired, and that can allow problems to fester into irreconcilable differences.

4.  “He says that nothing is wrong but he works away from home and… When he came home this last time he was in for two weeks and we only had sex one time. Is it just me expecting to much or is there a problem?”

“He says that nothing is wrong.” That’s my biggest indicator that the husband was approached in such a way that he felt there were two options: 1. he is a foul pervert who doesn’t love his wife, 2. there is a problem with the relationship and it is caused by his pornography viewing. Instead he contends that there is nothing wrong. Incorrect. My wife and I have a wonderful sex life, I still consider her as sexy as ever, and I think I still get her going as well. But there is something wrong. There’s always something wrong. We grow, we change, we experience new things, every single day. When one partner is confronted with the issue as such, it can often come across as “There is something wrong with you.” To which the partner will almost unfailingly respond, “No there isn’t.”

“Only had sex one time,” “am I expecting too much?” Sex one time in two weeks is unacceptable, I would say. Are you expecting too much? Not in the way you’re thinking, but I’d say you’re expecting too little of yourself. Has she come into the room while he’s watching porn, wearing nothing but lingerie. Or maybe just a t-shirt? Or maybe nothing at all? Has she grabbed his crotch under the table, whispered to him in a crowded place how much she wants him later?

Just because your partner has a great deal of sexual energy, that doesn’t mean they know how to channel it. If you’re intimidated by your partner’s sexuality, try to become a part of it. If his porn viewing is substituting for your sex life, are you sure he knew you were available to participate? Make sure he knows, reevaluate the question. See if you can stomach watching it with him or ask him if there’s something they do in the movie that he’d really like to try. If it makes you uncomfortable, tell him, and see if there’s a way to simulate it. Or even just talk about it during sex.

The biggest issue here is that she associates his porn viewership with the lull in their sex life. The two, I’d be willing to say are related, but neither necessarily caused the other. He watches porn to get off, if he’s like most men. Not because he doesn’t want to have sex with his partner. For her to begin feeling that she has been bested by fake characters, lowers her self respect and sends her into a cycle of feeling inadequate, finding possible evidence of such in his behavior, and then behaving as if she were inadequate.

All that said, maybe she’s right. Maybe the flame is gone from their relationship. But until she’s tried to throw some more kindling at it, she shouldn’t be so quick to say he’s killed it in favor of other flames. Trust me, the candlelight from porn will never glow brighter than the blazing hearth one can fill with a partner. Make sure he realizes it’s still there, when he needs some light.

Please note that I’m not a medical professional, nor do I claim to have all the right answers. When it comes to sex and relationships, though, I think I know what I’m talking about.

Almost Heaven
New Sensations 2010
Directed by Eddie Powell

Overview:
Performer Looks: 9.5
Uniformly attractive cast.
Characters: 9.5
Believably written and performed.
Sex Scene Quality: 9.5
Pleasing to the eye, sexy, and well filmed.
Cohesiveness: 9
Easy to follow story with logical or fitting events.
Variety/Viewer Appeal: 8.5
Most audiences who enjoy Feature porn will enjoy this.
Couples Appeal: 10
Extremely well-suited for couples.
Overall Quality: 9.75
This film was nearly perfect in its execution.

Final grade: 9.4/10
All grades averaged (with Overall Quality weighted 2x).

Sex Scenes: 4
* Scene 1. Danny Mountain, Brooke Lee Adams
* Scene 2. Xander Corvus, Allie Haze
* Scene 3. Rocco Reed, Victoria White
* Scene 4. Kiara Diane, Chris Johnson

Tags/Interests Featured: Romance, Couples’ Porn, Girl/Boy Straight Sex, Feature, Blond, Brunette, Review

Full Review:
The film opens with a very legitimate, mainstream feel. The opening credits play over a montage of scenic, romantic stills set to a light, whistful instrumental score. From there we go straight to a brightly colored waiting room, where protagonist Angie (Kiara Diane) has apparently found herself, without any recognition of surroundings or memory of purpose. Angie, a buxomly, blue-eyed blond, sits next to another buxomly blue-eyed blond who reassures her, then is then led away by the receptionist, a (whattaya know!) buxomly blue-eyed blond.

Just in the nick of time, cutie brunette Ally Haze (an overlooked, underappreciated assistant), leads Angie to head-honcho Xander Corvus, the Man in White. Unsurprisingly, she is told that her mortal days are done, and that she is in the middle land between here and the hereafter. Further, she learns that her purpose in this place is to select a life memory to carry into her Heaven. What is surprising is the quality of acting and the believability of the conversation. Also, Xander’s looks are reminiscent of a prime time television leading man, I would have to imagine that to be a nice respite for women viewers who aren’t so keen on the beef-cakey porn stud norm. A craftily subtle pass and rejection between Haze’s assistant and Corvus’ boss set the foundation for a tidy subplot.

Understandably miffed, Angie asks for an example of the kind of memory one might use. Cue sex scene one as the Man in White recalls a recent account of a woman (Brooke Lee Adams) who clung to a memory of a romantic picnic with her husband (Danny Mountain).

We drift briefly from our story to hers: a picturesque garden rendesvouz (which the ladies will likely appreciate, and the gents should perhaps take notes) that eases smoothly into an excellent one-on-one scene, on a bench in the garden. The lush plants and flora set against the kind of midday sky oil painters dream of.

The couple makes out in a slow build, as her summer dress and his button-down-tie-and-slacks commbo vanish piece-by-piece. The momentum build is strong and patient, allowing a rarely exceptional pacing that so many adult films lack direly. Without losing the intimate sweetness that the setting and mood have established, the scene comfortably travels into the erotic with a garden sofa blowjob, slow and sultry. In turn, just when it feels right, he lays her on her back and returns the appreciation, though her turn to be lavished is unfortunately brief. Lavish is a key word here, as the performs commit to their characters’ relationship and genuinely read as a (very happily) married couple in the throes of passion. When he pulls back and finishes on her stomach, the climax feels mutually and sincerely enjoyed.

From there we travel back to Angie and the Mystery Man who have an uncharacteristically (for the genre) sentimental and deep discussion about the reasons and value of these memories.The average male viewer may wish to turn back at this point, but it’s brief, so he can stomach it.

Assistant and Boss run into each other for our next sex scene, a long-supressed devouring of one another in the break room (yes, the afterlife includes coffee breaks). The standing, right-to-the-matter, against-counter love making includes a couple of believable orgasms from her, and a massive climax for him, that even while standing and shooting upward spans from her navel to shoulder. But, (SPOILER ALERT) it’s all the assistant’s dream. Natch.

The Boss discards her like his coffee cup and goes off to be a dick somewhere else.

The story continues as Angie and the Assistant have a short, sexless conversation which serves only the plot (fancy that). The reassuring blond from the first scene reappears with her husband, Rocco Reed. They chit-chat pointlessly, then off to the bedroom. While the scene is superfluous in the flow of an otherwise classically-crafted storyline, the sex is pleasing to the eye, passionate, and sweetly intense. So, while abandoning the plot, it serves the other aspect of the film quite nicely.

Almost Heaven hops back on track at full speed, charging effortlessly into a conclusion any mainstream chick flick producer could be proud of. Angie realizes the most important part of life is to appreciate the little things, sharing the lesson with the Boss, and we wind down with one last sex scene featuring our sweet Angie at last. This last is perhaps the sweetest sex scene I’ve seen in a very long time, if not ever. The action itself is not specifically saccarine-laden, but its service to the plot and the execution of the build up to it are expertly administered. So prime is the conclusion to this one, that I’m afraid I simply cannot spoil it for you.

In the end, this is a flick I doubt too many men will be eager to admit a fondness for, but it is the epitome of couples porn: story line and visual appeal women should love and some hot and heavy sex with beautiful women that should keep the men locked in for the whole ride.

High Point:
The final two scenes which provide neat closure with no misses, doing justice to a well-written script, not to mention finishes the whole thing off with a great sex scene.

Low Point:
The extras neither get nude nor seem to have ever delivered a line previously in their lives. A petty low point, I must concede.

Some of the data for Almost Heaven was taken from the Internet Adult Film Database.

The Flintstones: A XXX Parody
New Sensations 2010
Directed by Will Ryder

Overview:
Performer Looks: 10
Uniformly attractive cast, for those who got naked and they were all extremely well cast, despite having a blond as Wilma.
Characters: 9.5
Believably written and performed. Wilma’s deviation from the original character is all that prevented a 10.
Sex Scene Quality: 8.5
Pleasing to the eye, sexy, and well filmed. If there had been more variety and/or less repetition, this could be a 10 as well.
Cohesiveness: 10
Easy to follow story with logical and fitting events. The writing and acting were exceptional for an adult film, and (at least) acceptable by a theatrical parody movie.
Variety/Viewer Appeal: 8
Most audiences who enjoy Feature porn will enjoy this.
Couples Appeal: 10
Extremely well-suited for couples.
Overall Quality: 10
They did everything right with only the most minor exceptions.

Final grade: 9.5/10
All grades averaged (with Overall Quality weighted 2x).

Sex Scenes: 4
* Scene 1. Hillary Scott, Brooke Lee Adams
* Scene 2. Brooke Lee Adams, Anthony Rosano
* Scene 3. Hayden Winters, Seth Gamble
* Scene 4. Misty Stone, Rod Fontana
* Scene 5. Hillary Scott, Dale DaBone

Tags/Interests Featured: Romance, Couples’ Porn, Girl/Boy Straight Sex, Feature, Blond, Brunette, Redhead, Girl on Girl/Lesbian, Facial, Interracial, Review

Full Review:
From the opening credits, a joyously irreverent tip of the hat to that of the original animated series, we can tell the production value is on par with what you would expect from a top of the line studio. In moments, Fred (Peter O’Tool) is daydreaming while working at the rock quarry. The writer has clearly seen an episode or two. And what would Mr. Flintstone really dream about? Why, he’d dream of Betty (Brooke Lee Adams) and Wilma (Hilary Scott) gettin’ it on, of course.

The prehistoric housewives slip right into a panties conversation, but of course. Fantasy Betty has designs, we quickly learn, on the naive Wilma, and as any good dreamer would have it, she thinks it would be nice if Fred watched. He couldn’t get in on it, though, which (sorry, O’Tool) is a relief once we’ve seen our true-to-form Fred.

The costumes and acting play great for the parody; we are in Bedrock. Adams is a damn fine Betty and Scott, though it would have been great to have an actual red head in the role, plays Wilma with a cuteness that pays tribute to the original cartoon vixen, if not completely in character with the in-charge, fiery redhead attitude I remember. The scene itself gets hot and features all the positions you’d expect. Nothing spectacular despite the actresses’ talent and the appeal of the parody; it feels like an opening scene. Not a bad thing, I suppose, being that it is.

In Fred’s reality, unfortunately, there is an old friend of Wilma’s waiting at home. Tyler Rockman (Dale DaBone) is the culmination of the jealous husband’s nightmare. Not the kind you want hanging around your lady.

Forget about him for now, here comes Pebbles (Hayden Winters) and she’s all grown up. Winters is smoking in the role, equipped with miniature, jagged black mini skirt that could make you Yabb-Dabba your Doo right then and there. She’s off for a date with Bam Bam (Seth Gamble) whose mom and pop, Adams and Anthony Rosano as an expert Barney Rubble.

As the boys go outside, the girls get right to the dishing. And whatta ya know? Wilma and this old friend are keeping a secret from her poor dumb cuckold! Meanwhile Fred and Barn’ are outbag shoveling an uncomfortably realistic pile of shit. The coarse taste is washed out soon enough as Barney relays a recent sexy encounter with his better half.

Adams and Rosano are as good in their sex scene as they are in their acting roles. The sex isn’t the fastest, hottest, most passionate ever, but it reads as though both performers are having fun. The fact they lock into the characters brings the fantasy to great heights. Both give oral foreplay with intimate patience and attentiveness that you don’t often find. They start at a nice pace and before you know it, Rosano is railing Adams doggystyle, and both appear to be deeply into the scene. As a bonus to the quality of sex, Betty’s costume in this scene is a clever meld of the style from the television series and modern intimate apparel, and Rosano does his dirty talk in character, locking the fantasy down. To cherry the sundae, Betty takes the shot on her clit and then relates that she’s bisexual and wants to do Wilma. Fred is overwhelmed to learn.

Bam Bam and Pebbles have returned from their date and the young lady has needs, I tell you. Despite his teen-in-fear-of-grounding protests, she insists until he finally concedes to sneak into her room. Before we get too into the young folks’ relationship, the writers remind us that “Bam Bam’s eighteen too.” Great, we were all worried about that, I assure you.

Since the characters aren’t particularly well defined in the minds of most viewers, costumes and set were left to thoroughly define the connection of the next scene, but since both aspects are high quality, it was a success. The boy-girl action is set to the type of generic ’60s-sounding slow ditty they would have played on the original series, I have to note. Another clue of quality producing. The scene features excellent angles during the blowjob and the camera gives great attention to every aspect as the performers go through all the old standard positions. They wind it up with a fairly massive facial that pairs quite nicely with Winters’ cuteness. A chuckle-worthy escape scene afterward reminds us that we are in fact supposed to be following a storyline. You need that to make a Feature porn work.

Fred’s classic asshole boss Mr. Slate (Rod Fontana) lends the film another seamless outlet through which we can believably move into a sex scene without deviating entirely from the film. After giving Fred a good tongue lashing– maybe I should say “talking-to” in a porn review–he calls in his sexy ebony secretary Misty Stone to take some… dictation. No really, she does. The directing and writing effectively play a little game of back and forth during this sequence as we wonder, Will he imagine getting it on with the secretary? Will he actually? One way or another, she’s down on her knees in no time.

The action gets a little messy here as Stone gives a hard, sloppy blowjob most men would love, but some women viewers might find hard to watch. The closeups are maybe too plentiful for many new viewers as well. The sex is nice and loud, lots of energy and moaning. And it’s nice to see interracial porn in the mainstream. Stone’s body is incredible, with a perfectly round ass and natural breasts. She exudes enthusiasm and lust throughout, essential elements of a quality female performer.

Back to business, Barney and the rest of the damn world have forgotten Fred’s birthday and he’s down in the dumps. Belaboring the sadsack, Barn’ won’t quit rattling on about the strange man hanging around Fred’s place. Well, Fred’s daydreamin’ noggin is back to work. Dammit all, though, despite a spread of brontosauras ribs and Wilma wearing nothing but an apron, Fred can’t reign in his thoughts under the pressure. Enter the nightmare “old friend” DaBone, to fuck Wilma right in front of Fred.

The scene has the down and dirty attitude of what one would expect from a real affair; lusty, messy, intense. But it’s all a dream… Right?

Fred rushes home to find the old friend waiting. The conclusion here is a fun, lighthearted application of the classic sitcom humor the Flintstones used and really makes the whole thing legit.

High Point:
Having difficulty picking from the many, I’m going to give a shout to the unsung heroes: costume designer Ms. September and writer Tyler Scott. They guaranteed that the use of a known entity like The Flintstones not only a good idea but a mission accomplished. Parody’s are sometimes sloppily reliant on the viewers, I’ve found.

Low Point:
Lack of variety in sex scenes. Bed, couch or desk, skin/hair colors, cumshot destination… Those are not elements I consider to define a scene and it felt like that’s how the makers did here. A rare miscue, so I think it can be forgiven in light of all the successes captured here.

Some of the data for Flintstones: A XXX Parody was taken from the Internet Adult Film Database.

Much of what we aim to do here is to inspire people and offer suggestions on how to embrace eroticism, namely when it comes to couples. For many though, taking that first step is much harder than for others. Rather, for some the first step is further back.

In my personal experience, my wife was interested in watching porn together for a long time, but I could tell she felt awkward about it. This is likely from many years of society’s negative opinion of sexual indulgence guiding her own. In modern society, most of the time, it is perceived that one may not indulge in the erotic without being a pervert. Once you resolve that misunderstanding, acceptance and enjoyment are sure to follow.

Here’s an excellent resource article from Everydayhealth.com for those who may still have their doubts about the appropriateness of the subject, by Dennis Thompson, Jr. and medically reviewed by Pat Bass III, MD, PhD.

Couples Porn Can Rev up Your Sex Life

Red Riding Hood
Triple X Parody (Mile High)
Directed by Ashlynn Brooke

Overview:
Performer Looks: 9
The performers are uniformly attractive.
Characters: 7
The characters were sustainable but not excellent.
Sex Scene Quality: 8.5
The sex scenes were enjoyable, hot, and plentiful, but occasionally lacking in enthusiasm and variety.
Cohesiveness: 6
The plot was pretty weak and didn’t add much to the fairy tale, and at times just went on a pointless tangent.
Variety/Viewer Appeal: 9
Should appeal to a broad variety of people, though mild bondage and slightly kinky scenarios might be off putting for some.
Couples Appeal: 9
All in all, this should be one a couple can enjoy together, even if the cheesiness and sometimes poor acting can make it uncomfortable for novice couples. That’s not a negative as long as both viewers remember it’s alright to laugh.
Overall Quality: 8.5
The production value and thought put into this were enough to sustain it in spite of a few blemishes here and there. When equipped with a fast-forward button, this is an excellent movie.

Final grade: 8.2/10
All grades averaged (with overall quality weighted 2x).

Sex Scenes: 5

1. Carolyn Reese, James Franko
2. Juelz Ventura, Anthony Rosano
3. Juelz Ventura, Magdalene St. Michaels
4. Lexi Belle, Anthony Rosano
5. Kristina Rose, Danny Mountain

Tags/Interests Featured: Girl on Girl/Lesbian, Boy/Girl Straight Sex, Facial Cumshot, Costumes, Blonde, Latina, Brunette, Mature, Feature, Parody, Couples

Full Review:
Red Riding Hood begins with Rachel “people call me Red” (Lexi Belle) skipping about merrily, in a directionless display, I can only guess is an effort to soundly establish the movie’s dedication to the schoolgirl taboo. As she frolics over to pet the horse, one might think as I did, “Uh oh. I don’t like where this is going.”

Fear not, dear viewer. This unimportant establishing shot is nothing to fear, despite its tediousness. That is, at least, until moments later Red gets in an uninspired argument with her Mother (Carolyn Reese) who is involved with a “too young” man (James Franko), despite Red’s protests. The acting at this stage is pretty damn bad, however Red’s performance, here and throughout, is just cheesy and whiny-teenagerly enough that for most viewers, it should seem to match the character well. What poor dialogue they give her, she commits to so it works even if one doesn’t fully buy into the interpretation.

As Red abandons the fray abruptly for Grandmother’s house, we begin to wonder if perhaps lack of inspiration will be a theme for this flick, as we segue sloppily into our first sex scene, featuring Mother and Boyfriend. Apart from Mother’s natural appeal and occasionally passionate-seeming blowjobs, there’s not much to this scene. Typical boy-girl on bed, basic frilly lingerie, standard positions, cum shot, cut.

That cut is the best thing to happen to the movie thus far. Things begin to heat up as Red, now enrobed in the titular hood for full fetishistic delight, stumbles across Woman in Black (Juelz Ventura) who warns the headstrong teen against the dangers of the forest. Their sassy exchange sets a sexy tone and while the acting is nothing to celebrate, it is fitting for the tone of the film, so one may wonder whether the style was a choice or a lucky break.

Red travels onward without a girl-girl scene (dammit) as the WIB and Big Bad Wolf (parody veteran Anthony Rosano) engage in a little outdoor action. This scene has much more going on for it: it’s outdoors, we’ve got a sexy black skirt for her and a pseudo-wolf theme for him, the pacing is good, the performers both seem to really get into it; WIB’s dirty talk and enthusiasm pick up as the intensity does, bringing the pulse rate to just the right place in time for the appropriately doggy (Wolfy?) style finale.

Now we return to Red who encounters Big Bad for the first time after falling asleep sniffing the flowers a la Wizard of Oz motif. In alternating turns of bating and pleading with the Wolf, Red’s youthfulness comes across the strongest as her big mouth endangers Grandmother. A cheesy, though extremely well suited scene. Red awakens after the tiff, perhaps confusing the
viewer as to whether this has been a dream sequence. Little do we care though, as the sultry Ventura arrives at Grandmother’s house.

If you can believe it, things are only beginning to get kinky (as mainstream kink goes). While S&M connoisurre’s will undoubtedly find this to be tame, the average Feature fan will probably find the scene to be a safely adventurous experience. Grandmother, a MILFish mature Magdalene St. Michaels, is bound, gagged and eventually led by the Woman in Black on what plays nicely as a first-time experience. Though the subtext is likely coincidental or a facet of St. Michaels’ talent, the lesbian encounter builds as if a dark-secret fantasy of the Grandmother’s and palpates with tension.

The action is hot, the women are both attractive (if you’re open to mature actresses), the positions and camera angles each given due time, and actresses’ enthusiasm is believable. Good girl-girl scene.

Anyone who knows the story of Little Red Riding Hood at all should have a pretty good idea where we’re headed now. That’s right, to Grandmother’s room, where instead of Grandmother–who for whatever reasons has gone willingly with her new friend to some other place, in lieu of protecting Red from the predatory pair–the Big Bad Wolf eagerly awaits Red’s arrival.

After some easy convincing (she pretty quickly falls for such skillful arguments as “I am quite a looker”) and some homage-paying analysis of body parts–”What big eyes” he has–the action is on. And, in a manner of speaking, he proceeds to eat her up. No not oral, they get right to the sex, but they play the scene with zeal. This scene defies the first by making the most of a man and a woman on a bed, avoiding the pitfall of hoping the viewer has no higher standard than “watchin’ folks do it.”

Lexi Belle’s squeaky voice and red-striped hair bows compound the youthful appeal of the character and the two performers go hard and heavy without ever stepping past the roughness line which many Feature viewers draw for their porn tastes.

And then, before you can say “What the fuck?” we’re in Jolly ol’ England, or so says a subtitle, with… another Red Riding Hood (Kristina Rose)? Just as one may begin wondering such things as, “Who’s this guy (Danny Mountain) supposed to be?” we’re blind-sided by a close-up of Rose’s superior posterior in shiny red hot pants, rendering us at least for the moment in a state of don’t-give-a-shit.

Rose gives this mystery man the kind of lusty blowjob most of us don’t even dare to dream of, then they move right along to a fairly run-of-the-mill, gonzo-style couch scene. Not to take away from the sexiness though; it’s a hot gonzo-style couch scene, I just struggle to figure out where the hell it came from, considering this is a Feature. On a personal note, Rose is one of my favorite performers, so I may be too forgiving, as she does some fine work here. When she drops to her knees to take the money shot in her mouth, she has just the right level of fucked-silly wear-and-tear that really appeals to me, and I believe many viewers.

Ahlynn Brooke’s producing and directing skills are well represented here, as the picture is nicely assembled and broadly appealing, with good performances from most involved. However, as the writer she put herself in a tricky position; this is a classic story and I feel almost any viewer will come into it with a certain fantasy interpretation to which they expect the film to subscribe. Though that can’t devalue the script on its own, it does leave the scribe liable for even the slightest miscues. This film has a few of those.

High Point
The fairy tale tabboo is in full effect here, which lends a constant tongue-in-cheek humor to the nautiness, easing the awkwarness of most ill fitting parts.

Low Point
The boring first sex scene highlights (or lowlights) the unfortunate assortment of parts–scenes, characters, and situations–which just felt forced and disrupted the consistent fantasy feel necessary for this film to work.

Some of the data for Red Riding Hood XXX was taken from the Internet Adult Film Database.